It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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