just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
