then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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