um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
