i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
