My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
