I'm gonna have a badass scar
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
