Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
