I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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