Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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