My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
