a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize