My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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