How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
