Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
