Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
