We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
