are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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