Dude my mom stole all your condoms
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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