she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
