using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
