you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
