so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
