Buhtt sex?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
