I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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