u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
