i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
