You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
