Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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