I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
