Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
