shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
