I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
