we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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