so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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