Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
