This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
