we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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