it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
