its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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