i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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