i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
