i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
