I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
