I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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