i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
