I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
