I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
