it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
