Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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