Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
