we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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