Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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