i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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