ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
