saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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