I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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