I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
kristin has been a bad kristin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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