You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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